One more month!!!!

Today is January 7. Know what that means?

It means that in one short month, it will be a year from the day that I gave birth to my sweet twin boys.

In just one month, I will celebrate Mikah's earthly first birthday, and celebrate for Khoen, who will spend his first birthday in Heaven.

I feel so behind. I still have yet to plan. I started to make a list of what I was going to get as far as party supplies for Mikah the other day, but I honestly didn't get very far. So, I've pretty much decided that instead of stressing myself out over trying to plan a big party when, to be completely honest, I don't think I will be much in a party mood that day, I'm just going to have a little get together for family at my moms.

I am going to have a little ceremony for Khoen the night before (more than likely, but it may end up being the day of...not sure yet), that way I can try to get my tears under control and smile for sweet little Mikah at his celebration. Because it isn't going to be easy.

I don't want Mikah to relate his birthday to me being sad. I am always happy on the girls birthdays, and Mikah deserves the same. So for him, I will do it. I will not let him down, nor will I let Khoen down. I know Khoen wouldn't want me to be sad. He would want me to make the day extra special for Mikah. And I will, somehow.

It's creeping up on me faster than I'm comfortable with though...

I'm still trying to come up with what I want to do in honor of Khoen. I want to come up with an ongoing project, where I can help others and make Khoen's name known. As of now, I'm stil drawing a blank. But, I do think I want to do something to support siblings who are going through loss, or even siblings who have a sick brother or sister. I've seen first hand with Makenna how hard it is on them. And they need to know that they are special too. I'm not sure, but I won't stop thinking until I come up with it!

A little update on the kiddos:

Makenna is doing pretty good. She is still having night terrors like crazy, and some nights are worse than others. Last night, she ended up in my bed around 2 in the morning, and told me she didn't even want to go back to sleep because she was tired of waking up scared, and not knowing what scared her. That's not fun to hear. I feel bad because I don't know how to make them stop, but I am doing all I can. I'll help her through this. She's my little best friend.

Kaisyn is growing up so fast. She is talking a TON now, and even making little sentences! That's a big deal for our babygirl, because at her 18 month checkup speech therapy was mentioned. They said she should be saying between 20-40 words by then, and she was really only saying 'mama' and 'dada' and 'sissis'. But boy has she taken off!! Now she will repeat pretty much everything she hears, and can say all of her colors. I am a proud momma!! She is still stubborn, and it has to be "Kaisyn's way". That's a daily battle, but she's so precious. She is a blessing.

And Mikah, or "J" as we usually end up calling him around here. (Which is short for his middle name, James, after my grandad) That little boy is into EVERYTHING! We have had to completely re-babyproof our entire house, and he still finds a way into anything he isn't supposed to get in to! The girls were always so laid back and no trouble when it came to that...Mikah, he is a handful! He can walk along furniture, and can climb the stairs, which I HATE!! When we buy a house, it will NOT have stairs in it!!! Too much to worry about with little ones! But, Mikah is such a gift, and I wouldn't change him a bit.

I often find myself daydreaming about what it would be like if Khoen were here beside Mikah, getting into everything. I know it would be so busy and crazy, but I would absolutely love it.

I have the 4 best kids in the world. And I can't thank God enough.

Love you, Khoen, and miss you sweet baby. <3